Enough Death!
by Calletro
Summary: [One-Shot. Set during the events of Mass Effect 2, pre-suicide mission.] John Shepard returns from the Normandy SR1's wreckage with a heavy heart. When he lands himself in the med-bay after drinking his troubles away (almost), his quarian friend and lover comes to reassure him.


This is my first Mass Effect fanfiction. I recently bought the games and I'm really glad I did, the series is a rare gem. Please try to enjoy this piece as much as my crumby writing will allow. :) [My Shepard is default ManShep]

* * *

Above the planet known as Alchera, light from the star Amada glinted off the Normandy SR2's Cerberus paintjob as the sleek frigate maintained a silent geosynchronous orbit. It was as though the ship itself was paying homage to its fallen predecessor which lay in pieces, buried and freezing, directly below.

The view held distinctly unpleasant memories for a few of the SR2's current crewmembers. Two years before, the collectors ambushed and destroyed the original ship and caused the death of the much beloved Commander Shepard.

The same Commander Shepard, resurrected by Cerberus, now sat at the bar in the portside lounge, remembering the fallen and all the decisions he made two years ago that led to his and much of his crew's demise. He grabbed his glass and took a large sip. At that point he didn't much care what it was that was in the glass, just that it helped him forget about the more difficult points in the pursuit of Saren and his geth.

The political stonewalling, the corporate experiments, the indoctrinated slaves…

Virmire…

When the original Normandy was destroyed he was still trying to come to grips with Ash's death, whether or not he could have saved her, whether something could have been done differently. Seeing her station in ruins only made avoiding the thought impossible. Even now as the collector's abducted entire colonies of humans, and with a suicide mission looming in the very near future, he couldn't help but wonder about it. Maybe some reflection on those events would help him save his crew, his friends, when the time came.

He lifted the glass to take another sip but apparently his previous one had emptied it. Groaning, he began to reach over for the bottle of… whatever alcohol he was imbibing… when gloved hands with an intricate pattern weaved into them and… three fingers… stopped his hand and grabbed the bottle by its neck, moving it beyond his reach.

_Maybe it's a dream? I must be dreaming… but I want that stuff. _He thought.

A rather musical and slightly distorted voice from behind him dispelled that thought immediately.

"I think you've had enough for now Shepard." It said.

"Aw come on!" He slurred. "This drink is awesome, it gets the stuff… in this stuff… and *hic* that's…" He put his head down on the cold counter. "Ugh… I don't know, stop asking!"

"Keelah! How much of this have you had?" The voice asked, sounding concerned. The three fingered hand came off of his.

He reached behind, towards the voice, and started groping for the bottle. "Not enough." His reach extended slightly too far though, and he spilled face-first onto the deck with a grunt. Something turned him over, and he gazed up at a shadow, ringed by bright light.

"Do I know you?" He asked, squinting.

The figure chuckled and leaned down over him. He was able to see a purple tinted mask. Inside were silvery eyes, studying him. Who was it, he couldn't think…

"Get some rest Shepard." It said, and waved a bright orange device in his face. A deep calm overcame his body and he was asleep before he knew what had happened.

* * *

He awoke with a start, and the first thing he noticed was that his head was throbbing, it was hard to even think. The hard cot creaked slightly as he sat up and realized that he was in the Normandy's med bay.

"Ah Commander!" Said Dr. Chakwas, moving over to his side with a datapad in her hand. Her smile helped to put him at ease. "You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I got hit by a truck." He told her. It was an accurate description. "What happened?"

"After you got back from the Normandy's wreckage you went into the lounge and got…" She paused to think of a word to describe it. "Hmm. Let's just say you were quite intoxicated. Luckily, Tali went to check on you and brought you in here while you were asleep."

"I don't remember much." He told her, shaking his head and wincing at the pounding headache. He managed to move to the side of the bed.

"It alright Commander, I can't say I blame you for wanting to get drunk after visiting the wreck. It must have been awful." She said, placing her hand on his shoulder in a reassuring way.

"Yeah…" He mumbled, staring down at the deck and nodding slightly. "It was. So many reminders of what happened and everyone who died, I really didn't want to think about it."

"Take it easy Commander, I understand." She stepped away and brought up her omni-tool. "Anyway, Tali wanted to see you once you woke up." She said. "She was very worried about you. In fact, she nearly stayed here to wait until you woke up, but I assured her I would let her know when you did." She looked up at him. "Would you like to see her?"

He nodded approval. She opened the comm link to the quarian and spoke into it. "Tali? Commander Shepard is awake."

"I'll be right up!" She replied through the channel.

"Perhaps I'll let you two have a bit of privacy then." Chakwas said as she disabled her omni-tool. She walked over to her console and tinted the med bay's windows, blocking unwanted observation from the crewmen milling about in the mess area.

Shepard noticed she was grinning. "What's so funny doctor?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tali is very fond of you Shepard. During meal times she can't help but sing your praises to the rest of us." She said, looking up from the console and obviously amused by the occasions in question. "Those of us who've known you since you were XO on the old Normandy know half of what she says is hopelessly embellished, but the Cerberus crewmen who bother to listen think you're some kind of superhero who can kill thresher maws with only a stare."

"Well, storytelling is highly regarded among her people." Shepard replied, blushing slightly.

"She clearly likes you." She stated. His face must have become the color of a tomato; she laughed at his bashfulness. "On that bombshell, I think I'll give you some time alone. Goodbye, Commander."

The door to the med bay opened up for her to leave, and as it happened that was the moment when Tali arrived. She and Chakwas nodded as they passed each other, and once Tali had gotten past the door's threshold, it closed and locked. They were now alone.

She looked uncomfortable, not making eye contact and playing with her hands the way she did when something was bothering her. "Hey… Shepard." She said, awkwardly.

"Thanks for bringing me in here Tali. Chakwas said I was pretty stoned after I got back from the Normandy." He threw his hands up in resignation and rolled his eyes. "I don't even remember much beyond walking into the lounge."

Her demeanor did not change as he spoke. If there's anything he knew it was that part of being friends with a quarian required a keen awareness of body language and gestures. This particular quarian, however, was special: she was romantically interested in him. As such, he had made a special point in getting to understand her movements and eccentricities.

"Are you alright?" He asked, concern creating furrows in his brow.

"Keelah, I'm the one who should be asking you that question." She said, moving towards his table. "I… I don't think I've ever seen you get to the point that you nearly drink yourself into oblivion." She was standing next to him now, and finally looked up at him. Her silvery pupils always mesmerized him, so mysterious and strange behind the mask's façade, but yet so inviting and familiar and caring. "So… Are *you* alright?"

Shepard looked away from her, at the door. "I'm upset Tali." He confessed after a few second's pause. "When I was looking around down there, it was like I was reliving it all." He started to stand, Tali quickly grabbed onto him in order to prevent him from spilling onto the floor, but he indicated he would be alright, and she let him go.

"At least the legs still work." He joked with a smile, trying to lighten the mood a little. She chuckled as he moved towards the tinted windows. He stared at the opaque glass; he could make out only shadows milling about outside. He leaned against the glass with his right hand.

A singular tear worked its way down his face. "I remembered every single member of my crew who died on my watch… like Pressly… and… _Ash_." His voice broke as he said her name. "I remembered every single hurdle we went through on our way to find Saren. I remember it all, and wonder what I could have done differently, so that maybe I wouldn't have lost the ship."

"You did everything you could possibly do Shepard." She reassured him, moving up behind him. "Don't let yourself think otherwise, ever."

"They're dead!" He shouted, tears now abundant on his cheeks. "Clearly I failed at something!"

"And you were dead too!" Tali stated, remaining calm despite his loss of composure. "You gave your life so that others could live, like Kaiden and Joker." She raised her voice to match his. "You made the ultimate sacrifice! You did everything within your power to save everyone you could! You left us all behind, in order to SAVE us!"

He remained silent for a few seconds. Eventually he let out a loud sob, turned around and pulled her into a crushing hug. She gasped in surprise, but once she recovered began to return the hug as tightly as she could.

"I'm so sorry!" He sobbed, his tears laving trails on her suit.

"Shhh…" She sounded, running her hand over Shepard's back even as her own tears began falling, hidden from view. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I don't want to lose anyone else; not even the Cerberus soldiers. And now I'm expected to take us all through the Omega 4 Relay, which nobody has ever returned from! How am I supposed to keep everyone alive? Huh?" He tensed up and yelled. "I've had enough of death!"

Honestly, Tali didn't know if everyone would make it back from whatever the Galactic Core had in store for the Normandy. But nonetheless, she trusted Shepard to do his utmost to protect them all.

"This will be a suicide mission Shepard, there's no way around it." She backed away slightly and lifted his head to look into his glassy eyes. Her hands drifted to his. "But there is no-one that I would rather trust my life to. And we do have a way of defying all odds when it comes to fighting the reapers."

His mouth formed the beginnings of a smile at her reassurance. She moved in close, her hands reaching around to his back. "You _will_ bring everyone home… and you will _not_ die on us, on _me_, again."

"Are you sure?" He asked, worry still creasing his features but quickly fading into the resolve she thought more suitable to his regular character.

"Yes." She replied, pulling him in for another hug. "I'm sure."

* * *

And that's all folks, if you've managed to get through this whole thing without projectile vomiting, thanks for reading! If not, feel better and thanks for trying! :P


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